when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
