Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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