someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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