The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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