areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
