We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
