your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
