i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
