Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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