barbara walters just said penis...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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