I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
