Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
