you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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