Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
