"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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