I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
