yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
