woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
