just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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