dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
