Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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