i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
