I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
