Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
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when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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