Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
