I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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