It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Randomize
