maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
