weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
