Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
