i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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