he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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