The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
