can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
