i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
