I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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