Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
