I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
