Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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