Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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