we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We have started to decorate penises.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
