I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
