my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
