You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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