I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
