We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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