I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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