Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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