I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
