There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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