okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
