My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
