Quick, to the slutcave!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
