we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
