Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
