we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
