Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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