sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
