if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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