Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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