dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
