My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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