I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you will always have a special place in my vag
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
