He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am in a vortex of obligation.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
