I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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