____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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