chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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