I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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