The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
