oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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