I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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