Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
