Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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