Your face is a jimmy john
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
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It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize