I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
