I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
