DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
