I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
