Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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