My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
